The cost of keeping up with traditions is often a lack of self-care...
There was a time when
I felt pressured to follow tradition. The tradition of cooking two meats on a Sunday, with rice and peas and all the trimmings - a whole overnight pea soaking, meat seasoning, spending all day cooking on Sunday experience!
On Sunday!!! A day that signifies rest, would be spent keeping cooking and preparing for Monday. Caring for others and sacrificing our own self-care.
Back in October, I hosted a meditation and journaling workshop for Black women on Insight Timer. One of the journaling prompts I shared was 'What Generational Patterns Do You Need To Let Go of, For Your Own Self-Care'.
Generational Patterns
Generational patterns are behaviours, beliefs, values, or emotional responses that are passed down within families or social groups from one generation to the next. These patterns often present as shared ways of thinking, reacting, and dealing with challenges or opportunities, influenced by the previous generation's environment, social conditions, and family history/dynamics. Most of us are familiar with an old wives tale, that has had some influence in our lives, shaped who we are and positively or negatively impacted how we care for ourselves. Letting go of these patterns is a powerful form of self-care!
Here are some common generational patterns that many people recognise and work to release for their own self well-being:
Suppressing Emotions
In many families, especially those shaped by resilience as a result of hard times, there’s a pattern of 'being strong' or avoiding emotional expression, in fear of looking weak, or like you can't cope. Letting go of the belief that vulnerability equals weakness allows space for healthier emotional processing, understanding that expressing our feelings and speaking our truth can be a source of strength and connection.
The Need To Be Strong
Many grew up seeing strong as as super power . Almost like a badge of honour as to how much you can take, without breaking. Fast forward to 2024, where thankfully, softness is encouraged and where we're more mindful of the use of the word strong and the role it plays on poor mental health and lack of self worth.
Being strong all the time often leads to burnout and lack of self-care. Breaking free from this mindset means embracing rest, hobbies, and boundaries, understanding that value isn’t based solely on how much you can carry.
Not Speaking Your Truth
Some families encourage "keeping the peace", to avoid conflict. Sweeping things under the carpet, smiling on the surface and hurting within! This can manifest into resentment and conflict, which serves no one in the end and can possible ruin a relationship that could have been saved with a simple conversation all those years ago. Releasing this pattern allows for healthier, honest communication/relationships, regardless of how uncomfortable it might be.
Living For Others
There's often a pressure to meet others’ expectations, sacrificing our own happiness/needs, to keep the peace or gain or approval. Becoming a lawyer, doctor or something else someone else wanted you to be. If this resonates with you, I hope you make your next chapter fully about YOU!!!
Stigmatising Mental Health Care
Many older generations didn’t have the same access to mental health support that we do now (more can be done still), leading to a belief that therapy or counselling is shameful, unnecessary or a sign of weakness. Embracing mental health care as an essential part of self-care can be a liberating shift, helping break the cycle of untreated/unhealed stress, anxiety, or trauma.
Self-Sacrifice as a Virtue
Many grew up watching family members, often our mothers, aunts and grandmothers put everyone else’s needs above their own and never 'having the time# to pour into themselves. Breaking this pattern involves recognising that self-care is not selfish and that caring for oneself can lead to being more present and supportive to others without resentment.
Why Generational Patterns Matter & Why It's Time To Let Go
Generational patterns can be helpful or harmful, and identifying them is the first step in breaking them and setting an intention to cultivate positive ones that elevate your wellness! Understanding these patterns will support you in making conscious choices about which behaviours or beliefs serve you and those you need to show the door!
With love,
Amanda
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